I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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