She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
