my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Terrible idea I love it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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