Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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