so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
