Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
