Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
