evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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