I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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