woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
