i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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