he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
