I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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