wakey wakey hands off snakey
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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