Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Btw I puked in your glovebox
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
