I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
