They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
