Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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