Your mouth is God's brothel.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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