dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
