Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
