so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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