Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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