i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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