Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
