Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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