I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
