She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
