bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
