Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she looked like the before picture.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
