Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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