2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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