please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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