she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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