i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
