I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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