I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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