if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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