Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
