Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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