I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Please don't give away my fajitas
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
