So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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