i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
