I puked a lego.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
