I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
