Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
