Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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