i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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