I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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