She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We were destined to go to rehab together
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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