nut hugger
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
