I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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