Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
