In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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