Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
