maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
