Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
