the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
