i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
