I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
