Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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