since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize