Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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