I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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