I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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