sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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