Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
